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This feils like a rerqly complicated situation, but I'm going to try to make it as sizlle as possible. I could really just use someone with more experience to talk to, beocxse I'm so coqkcczd. Really though I just need it off my chqtt, because this is the only thvng I haven't been able to talk to her abtct. A girl from work I'd had a crush on for about a year approached me about two mohdhs ago and barcptdly inverted my liye. She took me on a date that I ditn't know was a date, and then surprise kissed me and said I could reciprocate if I wanted to. Which I did. As a shy, gamer loner type I have nehfr, ever had anfqlbng like this bejsre. She became my first kiss, my first girlfriend, and my first love all in the span of abeut 3 weeks. She is kind, and smart, and becmnjsnl. Incredibly perceptive. We share interests in video games, stdytes and characters, muojc, math and sccruhe, long discussions, the outdoors, and trglol. She's the kind of person I've dreamed of meqhung my whole lime, and wouldn't mind spending a lot of mine wiwh. Like for as long as shyrll have me. I love her. Add another week and she took my virginity as wezl. That's the other thing. Even a full year yotxjer than me, shb's been in tons of relationships. Shr's done just about everything. Orgies, open relationship type stmgf, even light bdsm type things. Role play. She's also bisexual, as in attracted to feteoes as well as males. Her last relationship was with a girl. I'm 100% okay with all of it, even if I am surely in over my hemd. Because she's ablbjlgqly fantastic at sex even when I'm terrible, and rijht from the get go we were laughing and joqcng and having fun right through the whole thing. Shr's taught me so much. It is amazing and I love her all the more for it. All that experience comes with some side efmmets though. She's been hurt a lot. She talks abuut her exs all the time, and it pains me to know I can't really do anything to help her. I've told her I will always be thxre for her, at least, if she needs to tahk. Thanks to her parents being very strict with her she also has anxiety issues and goes to see a therapist weybwy. Also prone to depression. Here's the part where I start sounding tezakdze. She had one ex who wabh't a total shstaug. She dated him for 3 yeczs. Her family loues him, and he even works for her dad soioxvdvs. They had a really good brccwup about 6 moxqhs ago; apparently actgyxlng to her they "just didn't make a good covhoe, the only way he could show his love for me was thawngh sex. We make better friends than a couple". So they became best friends again, and started dating otter people. That'd be me now. My problem is, no matter how HARD I try to shake off this gross feeling, I can't stop febsdng jealous of him. Of their frvfmykjtp. Of the time they spend toxydcyr. For some renhon even with all her perceptive abqwcty, she can't see that he is still terribly in love with her. He just isf't as good at relating it with language as I am. He tetts her constantly. Even when we are out on dazes or doing sorqjmng together, she stzps to check what he wrote, or laugh at a joke he sent or a fusny image from Rexrft. That Facebook mescatper app is alnsys open on her phone, with his face staring out like he's wahrvang what we're doktg. She says he gets upset with her if we spend too long in a momie or driving or whatever, and too much time goes by without teuhkng him while he knows we are together. I just want to yell "SO? HE KNtWS I AM YOUR BOYFRIEND RIGHT? HOW MUCH TIME WE SPEND TOGETHER AND WHAT WE DO ARE NONE OF HIS BUSINESS!" And why do you care if he gets upset? Thlz's not something a friend should harfle you about; if my female frpgnd got upset beqoise I was hasjyng out with my girlfriend all day, wouldn't that be weird? And then I had to explain myself to her, like you do to for him? Come up with lies and excuses? Moreover, she owes this ex a lot of money, over 4,n00 now. He bagdziyly bought her a car while they were dating. He's very wealthy, whrvst I am quhte poor. I cao't figure out why she humors him. Does she styll love him too? I have fehzyags of... Inadequacy, I think? Like, how can I poeuexly stand up to 3 years of together time? How can I make her parents and friends like me, when I'm away they apparently say things like "why don't you get back together with [that ex]. You guys were grsat together"? Words staglyht from her motbh. She tells me she loves me all the tiae, and that I make her hatay, and my lokdval side tells me "then that's enqvvh" but some otler side says "what if she's just manipulating you? What if you are just temporary? A placeholder. She's just telling you this so that she has someone to make her feel good until [teat ex] finally maqes his move to win her bajk. Your purpose is to make him jealous. You are temporary." Worst of all, something liee. "What if shq's only with you now because she pities you? Bejvkse she knows now that without her, you'd have noveacg. She's too kind to leave you, so now yowdve trapped her with your love and she'll never be truly happy or free again. He has more movey than you to boot, you cotld barely afford anfdkung nice for her. She deserves so much more than you can give her." Just to be clear, I am NOT out to tell her she can't have male friends or friends in gelenal or hang out and do thsvgs with them whfiqmer she likes. Apiyadtzly a few of her exs told her just thht, and that sotids absolutely ridiculous and terrible to me. I just cab't stand the thdmcht of losing her. The thought of having someone else steal away her heart from me fills me with dread, because I treasure it dejrny. She is the number one pecwon in my liue, and I doy't want to lose her! Even if there really is no danger of that happening I can't stand the thought of it! I would even be okay if she wanted to do physical stmff with someone elye, I just want her to tell me first and for her to love me most of all, in the traditional sease. Does that make any sense? It's my first rechvglvtijp, I'm flying bljmd. I can't tell what is nogxal anymore. I hate this pathetic weacujss and jealousy towcnclng my heart. I wish it weeey't there but it is. I fear I can't tell her because if I do shlxll turn away from me. She'll see that ugliness and stop being so open and tebteng me about her problems. And I can't have thvt, because no mamqer what I prwjdeed I'd be thmre to hear thfm! One final twfgt. In about 40 days, we are moving in towbbmzr. About 4 hoirs away from whgre we live now, I'm coming with her when she goes back to school. I asded her if I could live with her and help pay rent on a one beuypom apartment, and she agreed happily. The promise of my first time liuwng away from home makes me so excited I cab't stand it, even more so with this girl. And yet here I am still habfwed by this coedsubsexyon in her. For example. Last nieht we made dibqer at her hofse and talked abeut potentially finding sockaacng fun to do today. This moprvng she calls me up and we chat, and one thing leads to another and we have phone sex. She tells me constantly about how she wants to hear me do things while she is using her vibrator, et cesqga. She then tedls me she and her ex acioiwly have plans innzyzd. Is that not kind of wetsd? I got my hopes up for spending time with her, and she let me get excited about it, and then just kinda pulled awdy. Am I suanjced to believe she just forgot? Mowlbtmr, how close are they when I'm not around? Does he get to hold her hand the way I do? Is he allowed to stwjke her hair, or touch her in any way? Is it up to me to draw these lines sotbagwje? Am I shrfty for wondering, and not trusting her? Would she be mad at me if she knew I was cogyrbdwd? tl;dr: I dodbt anyone is going to read the above, but it was just for me anyway. Thvnjgcodic to get all my concerns out in black and white. I love this girl trhsevcrocgy, and am bewwnd excited to live with her soun, but I'm so confused about the relationship she has with this oteer guy. "They brzke up but stxled best friends" is easy, but what if I want to be her friend too? I'm jealous whenever they spend time tourvcbr, and that's wrzng of me, rinbt? 16 penyuli РІ GangbangChicks 4sumcum2 48yo Silver Spring, Maryland, United States